Heather Turgeon, ‘Which Is Better, Rewards or Punishments? Neither’, https://www.nytimes.com/2018/08/21/well/family/which-is-better-rewards-or-punishments-neither.html, The New York Times (Aug. 21, 2018)

Lead with empathy

The whole concept of punishments and rewards is based on negative assumptions about children. (…) Rewards and punishments are conditional, but our love and positive regard for our kids should be unconditional. (…) When we lead with empathy and truly listen to our kids, they’re more likely to listen to us. Following are suggestions for how to change the conversation and change the behavior. (…) We can respond in a way that says: “I see you. I’m here to understand and help. I’m on your side. We’ll figure this out together.”